<body>
On my mind..
Life isn't about finding yourself
Its about creating yourself
~
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
We, the people. Ya, right.
5:54 PM

New rule for posts - each post begins with trigger point. No, this does not serve a purpose except negating the need for me to explain somewhere in the first few paragraphs what I was doing when this came about. Plus it allows for linkbacks, links I might've looked up between the postling's little seed in my head and its actual publish(posting? publishing? publishment? does publish have a noun form? publication! of course! shame on me!).
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TRIGGER POINT : TIME's investigative report on the US military presence in Afghanistan

Easily the scariest part of this story was the series of suicides amongst the recruitment regiments of the US army. Men and women in their mid 20s, returned from Iraq and Afghanistan and dunked into the supposed "soft" arms for some recovery are given hard sales KPIs of 2 recruits per month. The brutal emotional and verbal abuse resulting from failing these targets, combined with their already ravaged psyches still fresh with vermilion blood upon ragged rocks, means they crack within months of their new roles.

I sometimes wonder what cause frontline defense personnel work towards. I have the greatest respect for their work in a situation like Afghanistan where they attempt to overthrow the Taliban by befriending the locals, but somewhere the line between patriotism and a false sense of heroism is blurred. On the morning of the hangover, it leaves you with the metallic taste of ferrous in the mouth and the echoes of gunpowder followed by the slightly panicked shouts from the scuttling attackers, whose tongues speak alien languages and who look like they should be in primary school. You aren't really sure what you're fighting. You aren't really sure how this relates to keeping your second cousin going to her 40 floor office in her BMW safe from another 9/11.

And then you come back and look for more infants to send off to the great finishing school. To harden them, they say.

I can't help but doubt that what Charlie Wilson's War depicted was in fact fractional to the reality - how inflated budgets feed new political dreams, inspire dreams of inherited power and ultimately as ANC's (hopefully quick) downfall in South Africa will show, even Mendela's legacy can barely even last his lifetime. Politics and Militia cannot stay separate. Yet, sadly, its a poisonous mixture. With big money at stake.

And maybe, maybe, I begin to understand why my father wanted to leave the Indian Army. Any military organisation as you go higher up, is plagues by political activism, corrupt middlemen, seekers of grants for personal research gains that are enmeshed with ethical disputes and third parties who will bribe you so they can have in on the big plan.

The irony? The tagline the US army is using is "Are you Army Strong?" I guess they weren't.

The greatest revolutionaries make the worst democrats. Indeed. Wartime heroes feel anti-climactic in an environment that is focussed on making the peace a happier peace rather than a war a war that goes over the edge so that it is finally won. They struggle to create power struggles where none need exist.

The counterpoint of course is that Zardari is a democrat, and hardly a good one at that. What Pakistan desperately needs a revolutionary.



PS: I'm pretty excited about the next TIME cover story - "100 days" (of Obama-ship). Its already online (click here for article and here for photoessay), but I think I'll wait for it to get to my post box in hard copy. I'm itching to have a reason to condemn the mass iconisation of this man. I took it hard when I saw a Che Guevara style nine panel multichrome stencil portrait grafitti'ed on a Melbourne alleyway. (Suddenly realize should have taken a picture - the artwork was spectacular).
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Sunday, April 12, 2009
The millionth epiphany
3:41 PM

Did anyone notice that the best times of your life, the most satisfying days are when you're the busiest? The best games of golf are the ones earned after months and weekends of hectic no-time-to-blink activity? Or that the happiest people are those who drive themselves endlessly against the clock, filling each day with as much as they can? Maybe that's why college is the best time of one's life. We don't care if its a weekday, weekend, holiday or exam time, we make the most of every single day, every moment, be it in a library or in a dorm room. We understand that every one of those moments is contributing to what we are becoming. We understand that college isn't about finding yourself, but creating yourself. Life is pretty damn similar. The ones who truly live don't go around with a chip on their shoulder, believing life "owes" them for the fantastic amounts they give to people and projects they are involved with. The most self confident people are the ones who have been there and done it, as scared as you or me, but still standing, still doing. The ones who appreciate every weekday rather than begrudge it as their payoff to earn a good weekend.

If that isn't proof of karma, I don't know what is. To work without want or need of reward, surely, is to understand that there are greater forces at work that will ensure that as long as you do what you have to, what you need will come to you. What you need, mind, not what you want, or what you think you deserve.
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Monday, April 6, 2009
Overhyped reaches a new hygh
2:10 PM
















My latest discovery at Borders. The book also contains Abraham Lincoln's inaugral address and the Gettysburg address. I applaud the journey till here but enough with the iconisation - he's barely proved himself as President yet.







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We are the Champions
10:51 AM

Not related to the title as much as you'd think, just got a kick out of using a Queen song.

Just took the (yes, I'm pretty damn free) - and results were  freaky. While most arbitary quizzes reveal a side of your persoality, this picked it up completely.

Here's the result - I am a Champion personality type, known in psychology as ENFP(Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving). 

It gets worse (or better, depending on how you see it):

Based on this quiz the careers I am most suited to, in descending order, confirm my own self knowledge and whispers from well wishers for almost 4 years now:

Journalist/Reporter  
Psychology    
Counseling    
Social Work        
Education

Damn it - and I thought I might get away with my identity crisis, attributing it to a "quarted mid life crisis".

A quick ENFP roundabout for those interested in analyzing if its true for me (in bold are the lines that I especially related to), others can go to the quiz directly on HumanMetrics to get their own personality type assessed - click here.


Like the other Idealists, Champions are rather rare, say two or three percent of the population, but even more than the others they consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life. Champions have a wide range and variety of emotions, and a great passion for novelty. They see life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil, and they want to experience all the meaningful events and fascinating people in the world. The most outgoing of the Idealists, Champions often can't wait to tell others of their extraordinary experiences. Champions can be tireless in talking with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out. And usually this is not simple storytelling; Champions often speak (or write) in the hope of revealing some truth about human experience, or of motivating others with their powerful convictions. Their strong drive to speak out on issues and events, along with their boundless enthusiasm and natural talent with language, makes them the most vivacious and inspiring of all the types.

Fiercely individualistic, Champions strive toward a kind of personal authenticity, and this intention always to be themselves is usually quite attractive to others. At the same time, Champions have outstanding intuitive powers and can tell what is going on inside of others, reading hidden emotions and giving special significance to words or actions. In fact, Champions are constantly scanning the social environment, and no intriguing character or silent motive is likely to escape their attention. Far more than the other Idealists, Champions are keen and probing observers of the people around them, and are capable of intense concentration on another individual. Their attention is rarely passive or casual. On the contrary, Champions tend to be extra sensitive and alert, always ready for emergencies, always on the lookout for what's possible.

Champions are good with people and usually have a wide range of personal relationships. They are warm and full of energy with their friends. They are likable and at ease with colleagues, and handle their employees or students with great skill. They are good in public and on the telephone, and are so spontaneous and dramatic that others love to be in their company. Champions are positive, exuberant people, and often their confidence in the goodness of life and of human nature makes good things happen.

ENFPs are friendly folks. Most are really enjoyable people. Some of the most soft-hearted people are ENFPs.

ENFPs have what some call a "silly switch." They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Sometimes they may even appear intoxicated when the "switch" is flipped.

One study has shown that ENFPs are significantly overrepresented in psychodrama. Most have a natural propensity for role-playing and acting.

ENFPs like to tell funny stories, especially about their friends. This penchant may be why many are attracted to journalism. I kid one of my ENFP friends that if I want the sixth fleet to know something, I'll just tell him.

ENFPs are global learners. Close enough is satisfactory to the ENFP, which may unnerve more precise thinking types, especially with such things as piano practice ("three quarter notes or four ... what's the difference?") Amazingly, some ENFPs are adept at exacting disciplines such as mathematics.

Friends are what life is about to ENFPs, moreso even than the other NFs. They hold up their end of the relationship, sometimes being victimized by less caring individuals. ENFPs are energized by being around people. Some have real difficulty being alone , especially on a regular basis.

One ENFP colleague, a social worker, had such tremendous interpersonal skills that she put her interviewers at ease during her own job interview. She had the ability to make strangers feel like old friends.

ENFPs sometimes can be blindsided by their secondary Feeling function. Hasty decisions based on deeply felt values may boil over with unpredictable results. More than one ENFP has abruptly quit a job in such a moment.

General: ENFPs are both "idea"-people and "people"-people, who see everyone and everything as part of an often bizarre cosmic whole. They want to both help (at least, their own definition of "help") and be liked and admired by other people, on bo th an individual and a humanitarian level. They are interested in new ideas on principle, but ultimately discard most of them for one reason or another.

Social/Personal Relationships: ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to the more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality. They are outgoing, fun, and genuinely like people. As SOs/mates they are warm, affectionate (lots of PDA), and disconcertingly spontaneous. However, attention span in relationships can be short; ENFPs are easily intrigued and distracted by new friends and acquaintances, forgetting about the older ones for long stretches at a time. Less mature ENFPs may need to feel they are the center of attention all the time, to reassure them that everyone thinks they're a wonderful and fascinating person.

ENFPs often have strong, if unconvential, convictions on various issues related to their Cosmic View. They usually try to use their social skills and contacts to persuade people gently of the rightness of these views; his sometimes results in their negle cting their nearest and dearest while flitting around trying to save the world.


Work Environment: ENFPs are pleasant, easygoing, and usually fun to work with. They come up with great ideas, and are a major asset in brainstorming sessions. Followthrough tends to be a problem, however; they tend to get bored quickly, especially if a newer, more interesting project comes along. They also tend to be procrastinators, both about meeting hard deadlines and about performing any small, uninteresting tasks that they've been assigned. ENFPs are at their most useful when working in a group with a J or two to take up the slack.

ENFPs hate bureaucracy, both in principle and in practice; they will always make a point of launching one of their crusades against some aspect of it.



Love Life of ENFP Women:

Arianna is a perfect Idealist Champion (ENFP). She has always found that men are attracted to her. She has had quite a few serious romances and does not believe in flings. As soon as she realizes that they are both attracted to each other, Arianna has whole-heartedly thrown herself into the relationship, later discovering that they aren't suited to each other at all. Then she forced herself to slow down and take time to get to know the other person. This often leads to heartbreak when the man is either overwhelmed or unable to return the full passion felt by her. Men have a a steadying influence on these women, forcing them to look deeper into themselves than they usually do.
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Saturday, April 4, 2009
Twilight held 'Host'age
4:54 PM

No this is not a rave or rant about Twilight mania that has overtaken tweens world over. There was a follow up book - The Host - by the same author. It was gifted to me, and I didn't mind Twilight too much, so I read through all 500+ pages.

And I was very disappointed. The woman has the same theme - one set of survivors (~vampires) and another set of people who outnumber them on the planet (~humans) and how they try to keep their secret. Only in this case, its the earth which has been invaded by these tiny silver sliverish creatures called 'souls' that are 'inserted' into a human host, causing the host's memories to become their own but causing the host's own conscience to eventually die as the soul takes control of the body. As if that sci-fi cliche wasn't enough, far in a very Independence-Day-esque desert there is a cache of survivor humans.

It gets worse. Melanie (~Bella) a former human who is now a host to the soul Wanderer refuses to die. The soul is hanted by her presence as they both jostle for control of the body. Melanie starts winning out, driving Wanderer to the place where the cache is, to check if the love of Melanie's life and her baby brother are alive. Once they reach the cache, she is captive as they don't believe Melanie exists within her. And of course, the above mentioned love, Jared, is conflicted about seeing Melanie - who he was sure was dead - alive but not quite, herself. 

Worse still, another human, Ian falls in love with Wanderer - not Melanie. So Jared and Ian are in love with 2 separate people in the same body. Which leads to some form of humour (saving grace) when Melanie/Wanderer have physical trysts with Jared/Ian, with one of the 2 women in the body always getting grossed out by the desires of the other.

But honestly, Stephanie (no, no, don't get confused, that's the author's name), what the hell? Twilight was dumbed down vampire fiction for girls. What are you even targeting with this book? Its too juvenile for adults, too romantic for boys and too sci-fi for girls and too boring for people like me. At best, it would make a passsable movie, if you brought some grown men to the scriptwriting sessions.
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Friday, April 3, 2009
Priorities
4:10 PM

For me, for the first time, I do not have something to centre my life around. And I have no idea what to do.

When we're kids there's nothing.
Then for 12 years its school.
Then there's college.
Then there's work. Or for some, sports. Or for others marriage. Or kids.

Something takes centre stage in your life. And all other things revolve around it. For brief periods of time it becomes an ailing relative, or a particular person, or a course you are doing parallel to your normal routine, or your kids. 

And without realising it, that it the number one priority in your life. Its not even your decision. Think about the thing in your life that takes up most of your time. Not head space, time. And I am sorry folks but that is your number one priority. Because everything else in your life, even if its more important will be fitted around it, like little pebbles slipping through the edges of a jar that has been occupied by a giant rock. You will try to fit in work between footy practice and your Friday night beer. Or you will try and see if you have time after work to maybe go and meet up with friends. Which one is it? Which one comes first by default? Is it a choice, or did it happen without you realising it, pushing what you want to be the topmost priority into the background? When did the immediate needs, the urgent deeds, take precedence over the important but can-wait ones? Because they'll wait forever. And with time, fade away, leaving you with memories of what you once were, like dreams the morning after, the feeling is familiar but the vivid colours and storyline eludes you.

Sometimes, those pebbles get bigger. They try to push through. But by then the rock is, well, rock solid. It won't move. And the conflict continues...
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