So I'm pretty onto the whole how men work thing (or so I think) cause frankly I am not a fan of this whole men and women are different species etc etc. Yes, they are socially conditioned differently and yes, sometimes they have different, um, overriding motives. Women are more emotionally strong, men more physically. Women tend to give in, men tend to be aggressive. Its true, and you can't deny it. The faster you accept it, the better you accept the opposite sex, the fact that we need each other and the more chances you have of peacefully co existing with them. But apart from that, we work in the same way. As human beings, we both like being talked to, helping out, being needed, being cared for, hopefully connecting to someone. Essentially, I think that's what humans - male or female - like about other human beings who they count as being close.

Now being close in itself has levels. Which brings me to the point of this blog . Which is where all this well thought out philosophy went down the bleeding laundry chute. And it revolves around one word - "platonic".

Before I ramble. I'll let wikipedia do a little rambling on my behalf (please skip this if not etymologically inclined and skip to next paragraph):

"  The term amor platonicus was coined as early as the 15th century by the Florentine scholar Marsilio Ficino as a synonym for amor socraticus. Platonic love in this original sense of the term is examined in Plato's dialogue the Symposium, which has as its topic the subject of love or Eros generally. Of particular importance there are the ideas attributed to the prophetess Diotima, which present love as a means of ascent to contemplation of the Divine. For Diotima, and for Plato generally, the most correct use of love of other human beings is to direct ones mind to love of Divinity. In short, with genuine Platonic love, the beautiful or lovely other person inspires the mind and the soul and directs ones attention to spiritual things. One proceeds from recognition on another's beauty, to appreciation of Beauty as it exists apart from any individual, to consideration of Divinity, the source of Beauty, to love of Divinity. The spiritual ideas of Platonic love -- as well as the fundamental spiritual emphasis of all of Plato's writings -- has been de-emphasised over the last two centuries.

Some modern (and ancient) writers overemphasize Socrates' affectionate feelings towards male pupils in Plato's dialogues. Actually, Plato emphasized chastity in the case of homoerotic attraction, but suggested that recognition of beauty in a person of the same sex may still serve the aim of inspiration. Indeed, in some ways homoerotic attraction may have served Plato's illustrative purposes better than heterosexual love, since in the latter case issues of procreation complicate the picture.

The English term dates back as far as Sir William Davenant's Platonic Lovers (1636). It is derived from the concept in Plato's Symposium of the love of the idea of good which lies at the root of all virtue and truth. For a brief period, Platonic love was a fashionable subject at the English royal court, especially in the circle around Queen Henrietta Maria, the wife of King Charles I. Platonic love was the theme of some of the courtly masques performed in the Caroline era—though the fashion soon waned under pressures of social and political change."

My question is not - "Can there be platonic relationships?" There are, there can. Its hard, and a pre-requisite is that one of the two are true -

1. Both members are already unavailable by choice (not looking for someone, still jaded over last relationship , already truly devoted to someone else who makes them happy

2. One of them considers the other to be "not their type" (they have higher or maybe different standards from what they look for)

3. One of them is gay.

If none of these are true, if two truly available people connect on the same level and feel that connection equally, even if its only emotionally, is it really possible to stay platonic. And I'm sorry but even if one person starts to have feelings, as unrequited or well hidden they may be (and there are people who go on like this for years), then it is not platonic. Because there is a motive other than friendship.

But how do you differentiate between genuinely feeling for that person and feeling for that person only because he/she is that close to you and just happen to belong to the opposite sex? What if you'd never feel for that person if you guys weren't that close? Is that just your mind playing social stereotypes (how can we be so close and not be...) or is that true crushing?

I would especially like to figure this out because I know that at this point in my life, I'm likely to crush a lot. As such, that knowledge itself helps to put a lid on your thoughts running away with you and to make sure your head rules your heart, at least till your heart has decided to stabilize itself. But its really a terrible game for your brain to play on you. And it really has a huge potential for disaster.

Luckily, I haven't had it play havoc with me yet. I have some fantastic male friends who mean the world to me, but who no matter how long you kept us on a marooned island, it'd never go anywhere else.

But I don't doubt my brain will play tricks the moment I decide to go out and re-start the whole being social thing which I had given up for the last 2-3 months (I am such a recluse right now I'm shocking myself).

What I'd love to know is, where does a guy draw the line? Is it that what starts as friendship must always stay there? Similarly, is it really possible for a girl who you loved to move into friend zone? And would they decide to spill their guts or just continue with the semi-dating semi-friends thing? What signals do they give out to let the girl know its changed?

(Girls hide this stuff really well till the guy gives out definitive feelers, and even then they might not do anything about it.  What I'd like is a guy's perspective).

Sigh...just when I thought I had all this figured out.

 Attend at least one major sporting event: the Super Bowl, the Olympics, the U.S. Open.

 Throw a huge party and invite every one of your friends.

 Swim with a dolphin.

 Skydive.

 Have your portrait painted.

 Learn to speak a foreign language and make sure you use it.

 Go skinny-dipping at midnight in the South of France.

 Watch the launch of the space shuttle.

 Spend a whole day eating junk food without feeling guilty.

 Be an extra in a film.

 Tell someone the story of your life, sparing no details.

 Make love on a forest floor.

 Make love on a train.

 Learn to rollerblade.

 Own a room with a view.

 Brew your own beer.

 Learn how to take a compliment.

 Buy a round-the-world air ticket and a rucksack, and run away.

 Grow a beard and leave it for at least a month. (Does not waxing or getting your eyebrows done for 2 months count if you're a girl? I think so.)

 Give your mother a dozen red roses and tell her you love her.

 Be a member of the audience in a TV show. (BBC Mastermind)

 Put your name down to be a passenger on the first tourist shuttle to the moon.

 Send a message in a bottle.

 Ride a camel into the desert.

 Get to know your neighbors.

 Plant a tree.

 Learn not to say yes when you really mean no.

 Write a fan letter to your all-time favorite hero or heroine.

 Visit the Senate and the House of Representatives to see how Congress really works.

 Learn to ballroom dance properly.

 Eat jellied eels from a stall in London.

 Be the boss.

 Fall deeply in love -- helplessly and unconditionally.

 Ride the Trans-Siberian Express across Asia.

 Sit on a jury.

 Write the novel you know you have inside you.

 Go to Walden Pond and read Thoreau while drifting in a canoe.

 Stay out all night dancing and go to work the next day without having gone home (just once).

 Drink beer at Oktoberfest in Munich.

 Be someone's mentor.

 Shower in a waterfall.

 Ask for a raise.

 Learn to play a musical instrument with some degree of skill.

 Teach someone illiterate to read.

 Be one of the first to take a flight on the new Airbus A380.

 Spend a night in a haunted house -- by yourself.

 Write down your personal mission statement, follow it, and revise it from time to time.

 See a lunar eclipse.

 Spend New Year's in an exotic location.

 Get passionate about a cause and spend time helping it, instead of just thinking about it.

 Experience weightlessness.

 Sing a great song in front of an audience.

 Ask someone you've only just met to go on a date.

 Drive across America from coast to coast.

 Make a complete and utter fool of yourself.

 Own one very expensive but absolutely wonderful business suit.

 Write your will.

 Sleep under the stars.

 Take a ride on the highest roller coaster in the country.

 Learn how to complain effectively -- and do it!

 Go wild in Rio during Carnival.

 Spend a whole day reading a great novel.

 Forgive your parents.

 Learn to juggle with three balls.

 Drive the Autobahn.

 Find a job you love.

 Spend Christmas on the beach drinking pina coladas.

 Overcome your fear of failure.

 Raft through the Grand Canyon.

 Donate money and put your name on something: a college scholarship, a bench in the park.

 Buy your own house and then spend time making it into exactly what you want.

 Grow a garden.

 Spend three months getting your body into optimum shape.

 Drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring.

 Accept yourself for who you are.

 Learn to use a microphone and give a speech in public.

 Scuba dive off Australia's Great Barrier Reef.

 Go up in a hot-air balloon.

 Attend one really huge rock concert.

 Kiss someone you've just met on a blind date.

 Be able to handle: your tax forms, Jehovah's Witnesses, your banker, telephone solicitors.

 Give to a charity -- anonymously.

 Lose more money than you can afford at roulette in Vegas.

 Let someone feed you peeled, seedless grapes.

 Kiss the Blarney stone and develop the gift of gab.

 Fart in a crowded space.

 Make love on the kitchen floor.

 Go deep sea fishing and eat your catch.

 Create your own web site. (I created an ex's - does that count?)

 Visit the Holy Land.

 Make yourself spend a half-day at a concentration camp and swear never to forget.

 Run to the top of the Statue of Liberty.

 Create your Family Tree.

 Catch a ball in the stands of a major league baseball stadium.

 Make a hole-in-one.

 Ski a double-black diamond run.

 Learn to bartend.

 Run a marathon.  (12 October 2008)

 Look into your child's eyes, see yourself, and smile.

 Reflect on your greatest weakness, and realize how it is your greatest strength.

he's not a man
to tell you straight
he'll watch from afar
and be your silent guard

he's not a man
who rushes things
its strangely nice
that he takes his time

he's the kind of man
you want around
when the world spins too fast
and nothing good seems to last

he's the kind of man
you feel calmer around
who keeps you safe
and knows when to cave.

he's the kind of man
for warm winter evenings
for simple conversations
for an uncomplicated life

but he didn't get all those things
and when he smiles, you can see it sometimes
so i pray that his dreams do come true
even if it is a little late, i hope she finds you
that girl who you've been looking for,
the house, the car, and even the boat by the shore.

for you're the kind of man
who makes the best of friends
and it would break my heart
to see you forcing your hopes to end.

you helped to keep my dreams from being torn
i sincerely hope god helps you fulfil your own.

somewhere in the arguments

somewhere in the justifications

we both were innocent

now we're both guilty

now i can't believe you

even though i want to

now i can't believe me

even though i need to

i needed you

promises so well intentioned

diseased by self obsession

you shut me out when i called for you

and now you want to be there for me

but you have no integrity

no strength

no character

with what faith would i come to you?

started out so pure

what tainted our love

murky shadows of ifs and buts

no sentence meaning just what it is

what poisoned you into lies and deceipt

i speak to my friends

they tell me you told them all my secrets

you told them not to tell me they knew

all the ones i cried and confessed

during the moments of nothingness in each others arms

my most well kept darknesses

you told them

do you know how much i fought my inner demons?

do you know how hard it was to reveal it to you?

my innermost sins, i let you in on them

so you could see right through me

cause i wanted you to know me through and through

i wanted you to be the one person who saw me

you abused that right

and you told them

yet you told them?

so simply, so cruelly?

and you told your friends about our secrets

and your family about things that were just for you and me

you never felt anything while you said those words?

while you betrayed us?

crashed even the little that was real to the ground?

was it that easy for you to slander it all?

was it that easy for you to let go?

it wasnt that easy for me

it still isnt

but i never told them any of yours

and i never will

i never revealed your most private shames

the ones you whispered with fear of rejection in your eyes

i protected you

hell, i almost mothered you

when i was a child

mentored you

when i was still learning

made your dreams come true

while mine were crashing

i protected you for years

from yourself

from your fears

even when you had left me

cared nothing for me

even when you came back asking for my company

i soothed you even when i needed soothing

i calmed you when i was simmering

i cheered you while i was despondent

then for a minute i let my feelings through

asked you why you did this to me

still you ask me

what are you trying to make me do, break up with her?

still you tell me

i will never come back if this is how you are, is that what you want?

i cared for you

i would've given up everything

i had dreams of running to your side

being the girl who saved your life

i guess

i was foolish and young

i wanted to know you

every part of your mind, body and soul

on the plane,

so embarrassingly human

but i loved you the same

no matter how wrong

no matter how small

every childhood fragment of memory

every place close to your heart

every thought and every action

i wanted to know everything

i wanted to know you

better than yourself

even when you resisted

i dug out the parts you didnt want to deal with

helped you sort out your past

will she?

you were my partner

you were meant to dance with me

the weekdays, the weekends and the holidays

the everydays and the special days

you were meant to witness everything

everything

i would've opened up my entire heart to you

i would've opened my entire life for you

and that's not an easy thing for me to do

im not like other people that way

even though i never believed in firsts or lasts

you were meant to be my first, my last

and everything in between

you were meant to be

everything

did i not say it loud enough?

did you decide not to hear me?

did you decide not to care?

did you not understand that you were my destiny?

did you not understand the power of the ring?

di you not understand through thick and thin?

with 60 days of trauma

you erased the 5 years

and the 50 ahead

for i can never come back now

even when every muscle aches to

every thought is for you

every fantasy is, still, with you.

and if you need me to return

then change something

make me believe

that i can trust you

that i can need you

that i can care for you

that i can protect you

without being hated

for losing my strength just for a few weeks

that you will not lie to me

about the small things

the big things

and the in between

make me believe

you will not deceive me

i hadn't left yet

but i will now.

i will not be taken for a fool.

i will not be slave to my emotions.

i will choose against my will.

don't make me do that.

the last thing i want

is for you to forget about this story

and leave this song unsung

but right now

these words are caught in my throat

and they dont deserve to be

i shouldn't have to make myself desirable

you know what i am

you know who i am

you know my strengths

and my weaknesses

and you know where to find me

you left me alone in a foreign country

unloved, confused, desperate, angry

you left me without even your friendship

it was easy for you

you were with your family

there is a law of karma

you are alone in a foreign country

desperate, confused and angry

i came to you with my last remaining shred of strength

it wasn't easy for me

i am not with my family

now feel it

and tell me

was it fair to cut off my only life support

in a cold melbourne winter?

i hear winters are pretty cold there too.

(shifted from my other blog, which i am closing down. http://techsieveonline.blogspot.com still stays alive though).

Comments (Sorry can't "import"  'em):

Onkar Joshi said...

TSO said...

Been tagged by the red queen, who was tagged by ZenMaster.

I tag Onkar Joshi, Postcards from Paranoia and Piyush Sharma.

Will add the hyperlinks to above blogs and to the stuff in lists below soon. Gotta rush right now.

Edit: Hyperlinks now added.

Eight things I am Passionate About -
1. Books
2. Technology
3. Freedom of expression
4. Being "alive" and being on the edge of it ever so often
5.  Writing
6. Having a dream - its an active passion cause I still don't have a fixed one!
That's it actually. Wow, I' m passionless huh.

Eight Things I want to do before I die -
1. Backpack across Europe, preferably without a time frame.
2. Have a near death experience
3. Sing a completely kickass song on stage in rock and roll leather boot up style, song I'm thinking of right now is Cherry Lips by Garbage.
4. Have a good stable marriage with kids who know they're well loved (sorry I know how lame this sounds but its true!)
5. Be in a powerful position and do something useful with it - preferably in the media side of things
6. Teach
7. Get a tattoo
8. Reluctantly putting this down..have a lesbian experience, even if its just a kiss.

Eight things I say often -
1. Brilliant, That's just brilliant, How bloody brilliant and the similar.
2. Oh God or Oh for God's sake
3. Walk afraid if you must, but keep walking (I don't say it but I think it a lot)
4. Yeah, well, I'll live.
5. You don't say?
6. Well just lump it.
7. Tough luck.
8. And?

Eight Books/Blogs/Journals I Have Read Recently -

1. Stephen Fry Moab is my Washpot
2. Genesis code, some obscure person
3. Dexter - all 3
4. Dangerous Minds
5. Marie Clare mag, does it count?
6. Mr Barton's Bartender guide
7. Getting rid of Matthew
8. Londonistan

Eight Songs I Would Listen To Over and Over -
1.  American Pie (Don McLean)
2. Forever young (Youth Group)
3. Mama I'm coming home (Ozzy Osbourne)
4. Don't let me be misunderstood (not the Animals original, the Layer Cake version)
5. Gimme shelter (Rolling Stones, wink to TRQ)
6. Mad world
7. Painted on my heart (from Gone in 60 seconds)
8. Still of the night (Whitesnake, oh that solo...!)

Eight Things In Others That Attract Me -
1. Sparkling conversation
2. Intelligence
3. The chemistry! Gotta be there.
4. Ambition - or any kind of worthy pursuit which doesn't involve material gains as an end result.
5.  Spontaneity and a love of adventure
6. Honouring a commitment - in friendship or otherwise, through thick and thin, through special and normal days.
7. Someone who can let go and just enjoy themselves, laugh and be in the moment no matter what is going on in their lives
8. The ability to cheer me up and to know what's in my head

Twinkling lights

Colleagues wave goodbye

As I walk out, coat in hand

I wave back

I sigh as I swipe out

Pack of girls laughing

Pass me by

Another day

Another night

Faked my way through

A quiet respite

For those few seconds

Before sleep hits

Mind finally free to think

What's its been trying to think

I kept interrupting it

Throughout the day

With irrelevant things

Like work and being nice

Then why am I surprised

When it can't give me answers?

Dreams that shouldn't come

Come

Wrong, no, don't

Wake up with a vague feeling

Of something bitter

And then again

Cell phone alarm

Another day,

Let's go.