2. You would rather move your wedding day than have it ON the day of the AFL Grand Final (Go Hawks!).

3. mX is a way of life.

4. Timtams are a separate food group.

5. Barbies aren't toys, they're a national identity.

6. You can get italian, greek, indian, thai, lebanese  and continental - all on the same street.

7. Despite the fact that EVERYTHING closes at 5 freaking pm except the Crown freaking Casino (where you have to dress up anyway to get in), there are still a million people out on the streets at 1am.

8. There are more non-Aussies than Aussies in your suburb.

9. You think its normal to wear sneakers to work with the "train coat", change into heels and the actual coat, then change your entire outfit again for gym in 7 hours time, and then go home and put on a dress and your party shoes for drinks. (Add 2 more changes if you cycle to work or arrive on a motorbike in your biking gear).

10. It is normal to use an umbrella, a sun hat and a sweatshirt on the same day.

11. You can get away with wearing anything at all, in any combination.

12. You routinely pass the Indian cricket team in the city.

13. The MCG is just a building on the way to work.

14. Tattoos are as common as ear piercings.

15. Purple is just another colour to dye your hair. Ditto for lime green.

16. The cafe for your morning fix has been the same for the last 5 years.

17. You actually recognize half the people you get on the train with - coz you've been riding the train with them for years.

18. Cash? What's that? Can I use my Flybuys?

19. When the wind blows, its "fine". When it gets bearable at 25, its "getting too hot". Don't even get me started on the winters.

20. Electricity cuts happen a few times in your life.

21. Preggie women are God. Esp on connex.

22. Cable and Foxtel are a luxury.

23. You wear sunnies inside a train, inside a mall and yes, even in your backyard.

24. Macs are as common as PCs - my fav :)

25. You pay more on your internet bill than all your other bills combined. Esp if you intend to actually download a freaking movie.

26. Only foreigners order Foster's. We all know VB rocks.

Can't think of any more. Soon.

One of my friends once told me she thinks we don't need men apart from for procreation and picking up heavy stuff. No fair, I think there are a lot of things awesome about men that we simply can't deny. Putting aside the *ahem* reasons, all men - friends, brothers, colleagues and even dads - have things that female counterparts simply don't. Here's my starters list:

1. The way they look so HAPPY and adorable simply lounging in front of a TV, unshaven and unkempt hair,  in the most terrible looking sweatshirts and fav trackpants/shorts and the super satisfied look they give you when you enter the room and they look back for that brief second before their eyes move back to the screen.

2. The way they look at you when you're upset or crying - big saucer eyes looking as though the most precious thing in their life may be broken. No man has looked at a leaking faucet or even a laptop the same way. Motorbikes are an exception, unfortunately.

3. Frustration and aggression and ambition all merged into one at the end of a really bad day at work as they tell you how they are so much better than everyone else and they promise you they're going to prove themselves to whatshisname. And the way they tell you EVERYTHING. Just you.

4.When you want them to say all those things, they refuse with stony silence as you yell your head off to what seems like a brick wall. And then they make you melt with that one sentence they do say, even when you tell yourself you'll never melt.

5. Hugs. Giant beautiful all encompassing makes-everything-okay hugs that won't let go till you do. My dad still gives the best hugs ever.

6. That they're okay not having to blabber all the time. Especially the ones who know you for a while. Especially the ones who already know the story and what the newest twist means. They'll just shut up, sit there and munch the potato wedges with you while you look at the river. Then they'll drive you back and not ask a million follow up questions the next day.

7. That they don't over analyze like women.

8. That when you just DON'T want to talk about it, only your male mates can help you have a night out and actually forget about it.

9. The way that true love and babies change them. Even the meanest, roughest of them.

10. Their enthusiasm for your home cooked food - especially chicken - over the bestest restaurants.

11. They're awkwardness around over emotional situations, or the way they clam up and let it out to you alone, later. That sudden emotion or surprising sensitive side that comes out sometimes.

12. The fact that "having a bath" means just that. Disrobe, shower, soap, rinse, reclothe. Less than 5 minutes. Not exfoliate, pedicure, epilate, get into the mood, choose a body wash (destressing lavender or rejuvenating citrus?), have the actual shower,  examine changes in body, moisturize with 5 different products for 5 different parts of the body, decide what to wear, re decide, iron it, accessorise, re arrange cosmetics on bathroom shelf and then finally, be done with it.

13. That they love being made a fuss of, especially for the injuries that aren't even there. That look they have when they're lapping up the sympathy like a puppy is common to every age and kind of man I have seen.

14. The way they can always make you feel pretty and intelligent, even when you're feeling spotty and really dumb at the end of a lousy day at work and a ladder up your stupid leggings.

15. The way they sympathize over your "girl problems". I completely overplay that card!

16. The way the special ones look at you when you're looking awesome. Or the way fathers look at you when you're looking grown up. Or the surprised way mates look at you when you actually look like a girl!

Here's to men. We have Women's day, not that I believe in it, but I think its only fair you should have a Men's day. When no one can say a word to you for not bathing, not shaving, having all the beer you want and lounging around with your mates the whole damn day. You guys deserve it.

Although, I might follow up with a why we love women section.

I can't say I feel the same. Not this weekend anyway. I don't know what it is, but something has been eating at me all week. Its not so much something, as the specific lack of anything. Completely indifferent and working on auto pilot during the chaotic meltdown that ensued after a catastrophic server breakdown that occured at work last wednesday,  I've really been trying to feel something. A sliver of  raw emotion. Even panic (God knows the business guys were down that street for at least 48 hours, and were bent on dragging IT down with them!) Ambition. Excitement. Stagnation. Frustration. Something. Anything. I know who to call to have a fun weekend, to take my mind off all this for short enough a time. I thought of going for a movie by myself and browsing the bookshop's on Swan Street, large CoffeX latte in hand - my usual medicine for days when I have the blues.

Today even the weather was fantastic - drizzling at a cool 26 degrees - perfect for a movie or a walk in the city. The kind of weather which 3 years ago would make me walk out of a library a day before practicals. But no one appealed. Not even me alone appealed. No one who was good enough to share it with. I know, I'm being picky. I was waiting for something to shake me out of my reverie. Today, everyone tells me about their plans. I play victim. Tickets sold out. But you have a car and I don't. I don't have anyone to go with. My sister has exams (I never even asked her). I don't know. I'm just...upset. And I want to be.

What am I waiting on? A person? Oh cmon, don't tell me, am I that desperate already? At 22? No, it can't be that. An event? Something life changing? I could change my life right now. If I decided to pick up a pen and paper and do something about my dreams I don't doubt I'd reach there within 3 years. But I've always had that option haven't I? Maybe I'll regret it once I don't. Once I'm too old. Or something.

Then what is it you want to do darling which you can't, which is driving you so indifferent to all the stuff that's going for you? Maybe I could drive if I had a car. Just drive and drive and drive. With nice music. Going nowhere? But I don't have a car. Plan B. I want to sit in bed and read a stupid book about the Taliban and Mahesh Bhatt (Temptations of the West, Pankaj Mishra) and I want to be miserable. And for no reason at all. Best of all, I want a reason. I think its unfair that I don't have a reason. I could claim stress, emotional trauma, physical overwork, anything. They would all be valid reasons if someone had seen my life for the past 2 weeks. But its not any of these. Because I'm indifferent to everything people, circumstance and life is telling me. Because, frankly, my dear, I couldn't give a damn.

Someone please entertain me. I need some life injected into my existence. I'm actually going to die of boredom. I really really will. My mental faculties will shut down. My emotional faculties already have.

Here in Melbourne, there is a strikingly higher respect for human life - these people talk of 5 pedestrians killed per year due to road rage as a "statistic". Five! A single digit! Every house robbery makes the morning news. Every rape has follow ups for at least a week. And this is not for lack of political news - the freedom of expression that society has ensures plenty of sensational media statements and rebellion.

With comparison to the 12 fatal muggings per month in Atlanta (one occurred last month just 200 metres from where a friend lives) and the 200 that die at the hands of a lathi charge in India,  these Aussie local "tragedies" are merely a source of amusement to me over my morning cup of tea.

The most recent case that has captured the city's attention for almost weeks now is the search for missing 21 year old Melbournian Britt Lapthorne, who was last seen during her backpacking world tour at a Croatian nightclub. The parents - who have set their house on mortgage to get the 20,000 euros promised to any informant who helps locate her - claim Facebook has given them more leads than the Interpol, that the Croatian and Australian diplomats have made this a red tape show more than a woman hunt. Meanwhile, the public is having masses at the city's churches to pray for her - candles, singing et al.

Maybe I'm in a cynical mood, and the shadow of Liam Neelson's worst fears in Taken (which I will NEVER allow my father to watch, by the way!) is haunting me. But if I assume the worst, and the fact that all her luggage and money lies untouched in her hostel proves it, she is probably being sold off to a potbellied Sheikh somewhere as part of their monthly trafficking auction. And while the world prays for her to be alive, I think all this attention might just mean that even if she is alive, she will be more trouble than use, and it might be enough incentive for her "owners" to do away with her.

So are the millions of girls who aren't written about, who stay alive on heroin as their captives milk them of all youth and dignity, actually better off?

The world sucks sometimes doesn't it.