That's it. I'm done being negative and critical and cynical and all the in between. Seriously. The troughs and crests and all of life's a sine wave stuff. All true. I'm out of the ditch and on the mountain people. Here me scream, "Life is good."
Universe : What part of let go of men for a while don't you get, young lady? Me : Huh..oooh look at that one, he's so sweet. Aw and he just gave that kid a toffee... Universe : Ahem, excuse me, hi universe here. You gonna let go or what? Me : Why should I? They haven't. Universe : Its a test. You have to pass it and be ok with just enjoying life on your own. Not give in just to fill the gap. Me : Oh come on that's not fair. You give me 5 fantastic years and then you say forget it. Its not that easy. Universe : No, I'm saying if you stop thinking so much it'll happen on its own. Me : Not good enough. I'm too devoted to something that I want. Look how hard I worked to make the last one make it so far. I will go and find it. There are so many idiots who seem to be in nice normal relationships. And I'm sorry but I know I'm smarter than most of those chicks. Universe : And yet the cosmos does not allow you to complete any story you've been trying to push towards a happy ending. You'll end up find the mistaken treasure if you start searching for something that isn't ready for you yet. Me : Oh don't get mysterious and new era spiritual on me, mister. I believed your astrology and destiny and meant to be nonsense and look where that got me. For once, I am taking matters into my own hands. Universe : You can't take someone else's emotions into your hands. It won't work. Me : Watch me. Universe : Fine. I really need to leave anyway, Sarah Palin is planning to give that baby up for adoption. Me : Whoa wait wait don't go. Um, so if I do actually ask you what I should do, will you tell me? Universe : Nope. Me : Huh? Universe : If I told you everything for sure, where's the mystery? Me : Oh God, please. You have got to be kidding me. Seriously, don't you like report to God or something. There must be laws. I'll file a complaint. You can't traipse in here and not give me straight answers. Is he ok with all this playing around with human's emotions? Universe : You think we're playing. We're trying to explain to you that you have to surrender to the higher power and just let it be. Me : Look can you stop with the subtleties already? So, what, I should get over just the concept of love? Universe : Get over your concept of love. Listen, I'm really getting late.. Me : Ya, right. And then be all new age I love myself so much I don't need anyone...cmon. I might as well become a Sarah Jessica Parker fan. And be all if he was "into" you, he's have done something. Basically become a walking talking self help book cliche. Universe : Sarah Jessica Parker? Me : Yeah, blond chick, wears weird green hats with ikebana arrangements on her head to award ceremonies? Universe : She's from an alternate universe. Not part of my jurisdiction. Me : Hm. Figures. Hey where'd you...damn that Sarah Palin.
Things learnt over past few months: I can handle more than I think I can. That if I'm not sure if I'm doing it out of anger/infatuation/greed/envy, I'm better off waiting till I am sure why I am doing it. That its ok not to have an answer. I can't rush my decisions just because someone else - or I - think I need an answer right now. That there is NO excuse for yelling like an uncivilised homosapien with a cuss word spouter stuck in your mouth. No excuse. That physical exercise, music, calm water bodies, time alone and a good loud night out can cure the blues miraculously. That no matter how much you feel for a person, love a person, take care of every emotion, need, long to be with them in the way you dream of, no matter how much they genuinely appreciate all of this, unless they are capable of returning those emotions with the SAME intention and intensity these feelings mean NOTHING. That the smell of fresh rain on dry earth coupled with the pitter of the first drizzle against the window pane can soothe the most troubled mind. That sometimes when my dynamic with someone goes in a different direction than what I expected, I should stop pushing it back to what I want. That I have a desperate need to be alone sometimes. That I have a desperate need to be in good intelligent company sometimes. That new born babies can pull the breath out of me. Each and every time. That I deserve all of it. Good and bad. And no one should tell me I don't. Because the law of karma isn't in any human being's hand.
9 comments - Post a comment
are you kidding me??
4:17 PM
1 comments - Post a comment
So I don't forget
3:50 PM
0 comments - Post a comment