In the ancient days of chatrooms where the first internet romances bloomed, "asl" was the pick up line for people who didnt want to enter a bar. Age, Sex, Location. Determining factors. And people readily gave them out, as morphed as their answer might be into imagined fountains of youth or travel across the life long 10 km radius they called home.
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Today, I stumbled into a (pardon the cliche) charming little cafe that merged a "pre-loved" book rental and exchange cubby along with a what I imagine Parisian cafes to be like bristo. Colours and international borders crisscross here as I am arrested by the smell of strong simple coffee and chalkboard menus, the sponging in of the ambience is dramatic and refreshing; the sheer vastness of old people, new people, white people, black people, stiletto heeled louis vuitton tote carrying, barefoot out of bed breakfast having, coffee obsessed book lovers, spouse dragged book haters and all in between. I loved it. I was drawn to it like it might represent all humanity as it was meant to be.
Identity. A book lover. Well read. Branded clothes. Branded degrees. Cult books. Cult drugs. Latest movies. Latest girls. Mother's religious beliefs. Rebel. Dog lover. Orthodox. Liberal. Nationality. Last name. Skill with the paintbrush. Skill with a surgeon's knife. Infact one judges ones identity not by a universal check list. Each person develops his own checklist. Decides what is or isn't important. Money stays on the list. Religion doesn't. Sex stays on the list. Age doesn't. And more often than not, this check list decides who we respect and who we don't. It decides how we see a person's identity. More importantly, it decides how we see our own. To me, for instance, my gender is a more important identity determiner than my nationality. Not true for the guy who is fascinated when he hears me speak in Hindi. To me, the fact that he works at an awesome firm is a decider in my judgement of him. To him, its just a name on the building he enters everyday to make a living.
It strikes me that a person can be blind to so many aspects of himself if they cannot see some checkpoints other people have on their list that they personally never thought were identity builders. In some respects its a good thing. Weight, for instance, shouldn't be on anyone's list.
But it strikes me that an initial rapport is developed when you realise you have a couple of common points on your identity forming lists. Especially if you both match in a couple of the answers. It may be books read, profession, dreams and hobbies, hell in most male cases it can be the "instant-new-male-friend-maker " - sutta. A single shared cigarette. In a bar, it may be two people who discover they are in the same place in their love life. But our identities are different with each person. We know intuitively what each person's checklist is. If we want to get along with the person, we instantly try to ensure our behaviour is making them mentally tick as many points.
Me talking to boss - will be polite so he thinks I am good employee, will make intelligent comment as he is judgingme on basis of future employability.
Me talking to father - will be stable sounding so dad does not suspect psycho brain dwelling in offspring, will exhibit absolute oblivion to sins of modern society so father continues dwelling in 20 year old me holding finger while crossing road false utopia.
You get the point.
Brain has suddenly linked article with Amartya Sen's book "Pluralism of Identities : How it is responsible for all Political and Religious Wars Ever." Am sure book title is wrong, but distinctly remember the theme as being just so. Have inadverdently arrived at first premise of book that took world economists and political analysts by storm.
Am delighted to discover that am brilliant. Should be world wide economist so that imaginary daughter can live off my fame and get any crap published by Penguin using my legacy. Suddenly wish father was Amartya Sen. Penguin published book is dream that seems long dreamed of but recently discovered.
Will never have book published if write so incorrectly grammatically as though incapable of writing connected subjects and predicates, unless of course write book in manner of Bridget Jones or Devil wears Prada. Although guiltily big fan of such books, do not have guts to be labelled chic'lit mindless writer using simple Cosmopolitan style girl psychology to get money from self esteem based woman power themed book. Hence, must avoid all such grammar and be smart and suave mature observer of society.
God, I'm hilarious!