words on a screen
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aren't hugs
smilies on a popup
aren't kisses
"love," as a sign off
isn't as warm
as having the person next to you
i know.
but if i admit it
it's real
the shortcomings
the miscommunication
no tangible emotion
change
what's changed
things have gone away
that's all
i haven't changed
not when you see what's changed around me
a lilt isn't a passport
a tilt isn't a nationality
i want for you to feel complete
i want for you to feel happy
but im not there to fill the void
and i feel like a mistreater
and i feel so, so guilty
bcoz im the reason no one else can be there either
loyalty is a scary thing
it threatens to push away
all else
all others
till there is just that one thing
and when it isn't there
you hate that very one thing
with your guts
and your life
coz there isn't much else left to hate
or love.
there isn't much else left, really.
i didn't know till you told me today
the familiar voice always so gay
i never dreamt you felt that way
you held up the facade
an impregnable wall
i knew you better than you knew yourself
that's what you used to say
(i'm sarcastically smirking at how cliched my words are sounding)
then was i fooling myself the past four weeks
or were you fooling yourself for the past four years?
you feel like its one way
i know what you feel
ive felt it often
please hold on
please believe
i will.
i do.
he will never read my blog
(he doesn't believe a person can write publicly and honestly)
why do i bother writing here
copying from my outbox
would be too personal
sending this to your inbox
would be too formal
someday, im going to regret writing this post on the WWW. hell, i don't care. goodnight melbourne.