tso's blog

Friday, September 21, 2007

Dawn of the Dead

7:35 PM

Programmers are inherently a bit violent aren't they? ThreadDeath, kill process, destroy, spawn....

Why not isValid, createThread, shutDown etc? Perhaps that's one of the reasons people find the Unix/Java commands/syntax "intuitive" - we're an insensitive bunch of *. Welcome to the new millenium, where college gaming junkies reluctantly planted into programmers' seats insist on spreading the madness one $bash at a time.

1 comments - Post a comment

Thursday, September 20, 2007

A Day in the Life

10:55 PM

At the bus stand everyday, I meet a man in his mid-twenties, sight deficient, from a fairly well-to-do educated family, accompanied by one of his family members. Everyday, they help him get on a bus that is filled tighter than a pack of sardines with regulars who mostly recognize each other, mostly lower working class. Everyday, the person who happens to be sitting on the first seat gets up or is made to get up and he is aided till he is comfortably seated there.

I was at the university to get some certificates made. The university is quite close to my workplace I spoke to a father who had taken a day's leave and driven down half way across town to get his son's transcripts made. The son works in the building next to mine in a company which, I'll have you know, is not that demanding.

0 comments - Post a comment

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

OMG

5:06 PM

So here's another simply despicable instance of plagiarism - my favourite college song after Summer of 69 (duh!) has been marred, maligned, slandered, warped and destroyed much to my indignation by uncaring Bollywood. And this was done, judging by the song style at least a decade ago. The original - Europe's The Final Countdown. The plagiarized Hindi song - Mere sawalon ka jawaab do naa.

I have a couple of questions for the composer, who I am sure bears the initials A.M.

PS : This is my first blog via email feed. In view of the next few months, which I know are going to consist of long, tough days, and the fact that I end up spending too much time on too many blogs when I get down to posting one blog, I have decided this is the way to go about it now.

1 comments - Post a comment

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Today's Random Observations

11:55 PM

1. Mobiles are scary scary scary things! They really can cook your brain. Here's proof. Only headphones and gtalk for me now. Jaxtr looks interesting too.
2. Airforce officers aren't a happy lot. I watch 3 buses full of them pass me by at 6 pm everyday and they look upset, angry, disillusioned. Just them or all defence personnel?

3. Bollywood item numbers have reached a new low. When I tuned into Radio Mirchi at 8 am to wake myself up, I found myself listening to these lyrics - "aao kushi se khudkhushi kar le"! salinger inspired? :)

4. Why do people feel men have short attention spans. They are condemning T20 series coz its not "real cricket". Pray how can test/one-day keep the attention of these men for so long if they claim not to be able to listen to "ranting" for more than 10 minutes?

5. I also heard the following advertisement: Man to salesgirl: I want to buy a kurta for my wife. Salesgirl : O here are some of the more popular pieces. Man : Um do you have something in a bigger size? My wife is kind of fat. Salesgirl : Aren't you ashamed of yourself, calling your own wife fat? Man : But she is... what can I do? Salegirl : Do? There's plenty you can do if you're a responsible husband. Take her to XYZ Slimming and Anti-Diabetic Centre. XYZ Slimming andAnti-Diabetic Centre...if you really care for your 'healthy near and dear ones'.

6. Nokia Aeon rocks. Ok so its just in concept stage currently, but it will be out soon, and it will rock.

7. The MotoRazr2 is here for 10k. Me want! I sound a bit technology crazed don't I? I'm sadly not as tech savvy as I sound.

8. Go upto a random person who is smoking. Chances are he drinks too. Go upto a random person who is drinking. There's barely a 1 in 4 chance he's a smoker. Once you drink, is smoking just stage 2?

0 comments - Post a comment

Thoughts for Today

11:50 PM

1. Mobile phones are scary. only headsets for me from now on.

2. airforce offircers look sad in their buses as they head back home.
3. most smokers are drinkers too. not too many drinkers are smokers.
4. there is a song called 'aao khushi se khudkhushi kar le'. dont ask.
5. nokia aeon phones are awesome. or atleast they will be when they come out.

6. men are lying when they use the 'naturally short attention span' excuse. have you seen any woman complaining about T20? men had no problems watching one day/test. they hate T20s.

3 comments - Post a comment

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Waterfall Rapelling

2:05 AM

So the pics aren't out yet, but I went waterfall rappelling today. It was a voluntary thing, organized by the company. I saw the email and I knew I wanted to go. It was a bit sad that noone else in my department wanted to but what the hell. This trip was all about me anyway. No friends, no family, no commitments. Me, new people and lotsa water hitting me as I ventured down a rope, sun in my eye and adrelanine in my veins.. Heady enough for a Gemini. And although it had a rather boring start, IT WAS FUNNNN!
Set off some 0545 am (last time I saw dawn break was when I stayed up the entire night, never got up this early before) bundled myself in a sweatshirt n a wind cheater and off I went. I was to be part off 100 odd like minded adventure sport enthusiasts. The problem was - I knew none of them. No one from my class was going. Oh well, thats how you meet new people right?
The first people I met were a highly cute non-Mallu looking Mallu newly married couple, S & C. S was a pukka Delhiite type guy, from the sarcastic side of the humour family (is there really another other side?) from MDI, a famous management college in the country, and a maybe PG alma mater for me (I'm trying for it this year). So we got off to a good start conversation wise. C was an extremely reserved, very cute in a curly haired petite kinda way thing who I completely fell in love with.
After a 3 hour journey where most of the bus was catching up on their disturbed sleep, we stopped over at a lil place in the middle of nowhere (it really was - no service provider had network there!) for breakfast, it was back on the road. We reached our destination and that is where the madness began.
So we were supposed to have this training session, except we were running late. So we all simply climbed to the top of the waterfall and, encouraged by some rather awesome hooting(we could hear it over the waterfall!) the first guy in line was strapped up and set off down a 75 feet rocky waterfall with a rope to hold on to. Ok maybe I'm exaggerating the risk factor, but it was more fun that way!
Beside a lot of bruises n scrapes when we simply slipped off the rocks (its tough to stay perpendicular to a vertical cliff when your hanging by a rope!) , and one chap who incurred a rather nasty gash on his jaw, we were doing quite well. And then it was my turn.
By now I had befriended quite a couple of colleagues who were rather amused that I, a trainee, who did not even know the full forms of the abbreviations they used when giving their departments during the introductions, was there at all. )Trainees are considered non entities everywhere!). Also, I made the smart-alec mistake of giving a smug smile to C n saying "See you on the other side" just as she, shivering with trepidation, was about to be let down. So I was under a bit of..er..performance pressure.
I gotta go have dinner now..Wait for the next installment of this terribly named blog entry to know how my first experience in adventure sports went.

Labels: adventure, fun, rapelling

2 comments - Post a comment

Friday, September 7, 2007

Provoked

1:04 AM

Provoked
The “American Citizen” sitting on the sofa
By bombarding anti-Islamic messages
Into believing he is a soldier in the Iraq war
That he is above citizens in all other nations.

Provoked
The anti reservationist middle class youth
By the media
Into keeping your guard up
When someone less privileged
Asks for a favour.

Provoked
A naive girl walking home from school
Into being a feminist
Who will never even give a good man a chance
By the roadside romeos whistling as she passes everyday

Provoked
A man who once respected women
Into being a possessive crazed husband
By his first love
Who betrayed him

In a world of crime and immorality
Its easy to be provoked
Its easy to harden yourself
Its easy to be an anti-establishment iconoclast
Try being okay with being forgiving
Try being okay with being vulnerable
Try being better than your circumstances
And what they should have made you.

Labels: provoked, verse

1 comments - Post a comment

Painfully Human

1:03 AM

There are things no one should know about you. There are things that will remind them – painfully – that you are in fact a normal human, with faults weaknesses and needs as anyone else. And suddenly, they hate you for it. Especially so if they have either suppressed or have been unable to suppress that same weakness in themselves.

There are things that should be mutually understood. Especially if you would not like someone to do it to you. For instance, if you are a raving mad possessive, then you don’t make “innocent” jokes saying that you may get close to so and so person, even if the other person claims to be the non green eyes types.

There are dreams best kept to you. Those disgusting dreams where you wake up feeling sick to the stomach about how awfully real the dream was. How you are glad it wasn’t real. And how you are very very aware that it wouldn’t take much for them to be. And already, you hate the people involved for the fact that they could act that way. Because you know they actually could. And if you tell them the dream, they assume you think of them that way. That they have been judged by your subconscious. And in their subcionscious, they will judge you for that.

There are people who shouldn’t ever expect someone to understand them completely, all the time. Completely at a given moment- yes. That’s what magical moments of friendship and love are all about. The one night where you revealed all. But completely all the time. Nuh, uh, not happening. Don’t blame the other person – he’s only human. Aren’t we all? Don’t we all act on provocation, suddenly defending the very things we knew to be wrong just a few days ago and wondering, why did I do that? Or worse, why did I confide in him/her, assuming that the understanding would last forever. Sometimes you actually harm the relationship more. The person is too aware of too many things to see you as a person. He sees too much, reads too much into simple things, things which he/ she herself might defend were they to do the same in a different scenario.

But that is human error. The error of inconsistency. Non- linearity.
Same situation + different person = different reaction.
Same situation + same person + different time = different reaction.

Labels: err, human, pensive

1 comments - Post a comment

Vicious Circle

12:59 AM

Round and round
On a cruel carousel
Lets see if you can not fall again
My moods traverse
My centre not sure
Where to place itself
Pulled n a million directions
Time seems to be zooming past me
Leaving me to pick up the pieces
Of a future I cant change
Running to stay still.
Running.
Running.
I used to like running.
When I was very small.

Labels: pensive, verse

0 comments - Post a comment

Distance

12:58 AM

Distance…

..is what has come between him and me
Over three years of finding each others weaknesses
Through the others’ words spoken in offensive self defence.

..is how far my newest goal seems to be
After five years of aiming and falling
Just a little bit short of the perfection I sought.

..is how I never want my child to feel
When her mother is fighting a dirty war
In an ergonomic office in a spotless white business suit.

..is what I can see in the future for my family
As they fall into stereotypes of an urban household
Held together by invisible waves in a tele-connected world.

..is what these pretty girls’ faces so dear to me will inevitably feel
When we sit across each other ten years hence
Talking of these days where we spoke of everything
B’coz there’ll be nothing else to talk of.

..is how far away Coming of Age used to seem to be
Till today morning when I woke up to him beside me
I know I must live with him all my life now
And so does he.

0 comments - Post a comment

Untitled

12:51 AM

who knows what happens next.
moods play on.
time passes slow.
we dont run the show.
we get frustrated, it doesnt feel right.
its not as if we could handle the floor
but we still want to hold the night.
friends sing along.
family isnt always wrong.
but maybe we dont value the promise of forever
its overshadowed by the reality of a physical buffer.
but...

..but a lot of things, i guess.

jobs
work
family
friends
me
my love
my search for a passion
my obsession with what i currently think is my passion

life
is hard
even when its all smooth
what do u do with smoothness
its dull
an insult to your capability to cope
but rough roads we must lament to You.

im going back to knowing myself.
salvaging my life.
choosing my life.
it feels good.
it was not as good earlier.
cause this time its tougher.

time wasted is just unregretted introspection.
it feels like...welcome fresh air.
new.
it feels new.
new is good.

practicality vs. ideals
moods vs. practicality

Labels: fiction, pensive, verse

2 comments - Post a comment

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Scattered thoughts...

12:49 AM

I'm a compulsive writer. If you look through my things, you'll find scribbles on everything, from the last-page-of notebook standard student fare to obscurely named .txt files in odd places on my PC (both work and home!). And this despite the fact that I have a diary, several close friends' as sounding boards, an organizer, a blog and a webpage on writing.com! When a friend decided to format her comp, I actually had to pick up 3 pieces of writing I'd left on her comp!

My point is this. A person's thoughts are so concurrently varied, fleeting and amoebic, its impossible to encapsulate them. some of the potentially best pieces of our writing remain unwritten. Simply because the first line, captured vividly as we see something on a bus ride home, gets morphed into something much plainer by the time we reach, or sometimes, completely disappears from the mind.

If we're lucky, we'll remember the subject and may be we'll be able to capture the essence, if not the mood and flavor, later. Worse still, you're helping a friend write a statement of purpose for his MS applications and you get this spot of sheer bleeding brilliance, see, a clincher of an opening line, but at that exact moment your interactive-pedagogy-believing bugger of an instructor decides to ask you to explain the algorithm. So long UCLA.

But thankfully, there is one place yet, where, despite it never actually going down as permanent, your thoughts do reach their purpose - when you are talking to other people. When your thoughts flow fluid, with no nuance (that may have been escaped when writing) going unexpressed, when the mood makes sure that it claims its true meaning down to the last stressed syllable. I still remember a friend of mine saying to me - "(insert my name here), you know what's sad about this world? Advice is free. And no one needs a license to dole it. That's why idiots give it out and even bigger idiots don't appreciate it when its worthwhile.

That was Readers' Digest Quotable Quotes material, but she probably doesn't even remember saying it.

But I do.

And that's the point of all creative expression. That there's an audience that cares, an audience that it affects, negatively or positively. Art for the sake of it is art. Like parallel cinema that only the producers actually 'get'. But an audience turns art to writing. To artistry. To longevity. If only in the haze of a receiver's brain.

Labels: blogging, diary, writing

4 comments - Post a comment

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Love in the time of Cholera (yes its cliched get the smile off your face)

10:56 PM

what is it with this modernization that frees up all barriers of sex but disallows a pure love from existing amongst the leather couches of night clubs? new age boons of overseas jobs and girls who want to work and want their husbands to stay at home. an epidemic of heartbreak has made the souls of youngsters completely immune to the joys of a simple, beautiful romance. call me old fashioned but i think the beauty of a courtship is in the words said face to face, is in simply leaving a lipstick kiss on the morning bathroom mirror, not a :X in an sms. is in simply smiling through the warmth of your eyes, a slight blush when you're given a compliment, not writing :D 2 sec later over a web cam.its great for keeping in touch, this technology, but it just ruins romance.

they call themselves free. open relationships.free love. ya right. whats free about determining whether your love is real by discussing it with the psychiatrist you go to cause your first relationship left you 'unable to commit.' maybe you can't feel real love because years of just living immunizing yourself against the jerks who are your rebounds and the guys you slept with cause you needed to get a fuck.

maybe its time to let it not be an insult when you say to your dad - please don't be so 18th century. any woman who is true to herself will realize she still loves the carriage door being held open to her rather than standing in a bus 'cause of equal rights', just as any man who is true to his manhood and not afraid of being called a chauvinist will realize he loved the days when he could pay for all the dinners, when he could know that the woman needed his chest to hide into when she just needed warmth. its not really all that contradictory. a woman doesn't need to assert her rights to be respected. the man simply will. because she's a person, not because she's a woman. (the whole respect me cause i'm a woman and the harbinger of all humanity completely negates the equal rights thing anyway, because you don't see anyone saying "well respect him because he's a man" - new age feminists aren't fighting for equal rights, they're fighting for superiority of women. a true woman respects both sexes equally, so does a gentleman).

it comes down to this. the battle of the sexes is because of the redefinition of the roles a man and woman are capable of playing in society. and to see who's is more important. that was never a problem before cause both could win. cause the fields were different. women won all the battles behind closed doors. they were satisfied purring docile kitties in front of others simply because they were happy that the man gave her her due in private. men were the only contenders for the battles outside the home.

in todays world, the battlefields clash. so now its man against woman. and man against man. and woman against woman. three battles.

i feel bad for the men. its tough being sensitive and tough and ambitious and family oriented... its easy being a woman. you just blame all your problems on PMS, the new age liberated woman's scapegoat for all the daily superwoman faux pas (faux pae? what is the plural of faux pas?). and then, the man, who knows hell will break loose if he tries to argue, says "you're right dear, you are a superwoman, you can do everything - just not for one fourth of the month".

and these poor metro sexual men are then supposed to be sissies if they 'talk about their feelings' while girls blabber to their free therapist - their best friend..or worse, every man's nightmare(the only reason he listens to all of the above crap from the woman) - another man!

Labels: feminism, love

2 comments - Post a comment

Musings of a girl considering Heartbreak.

10:50 PM

Wrote this long ago when mostly everyone close to me was getting to me with their know it all attitude-

i drove it into my own skin
with the expectations i raised for us
but you turned it for me
so tell me, when i leave
will you have the decency to blame yourself?

they tell us love passes all tests
so now im hoping the grading is alphabetically backwards

page up, page down,
delete, restore,
left arrow and right arrow,
but you're still on the same screen darling
try pressing ctrl first.

Labels: pensive, sad

0 comments - Post a comment