Labels: dreams
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this one goes out to all you engineers who were dying to get out of college and then realised on the last day of college - no, not that you didn't want to leave - i still do - that you didn't feel jubilant. you didn't feel equipped to 'take on the world'. you didn't feel that you even deserved it.hell, you hardly felt anything.i'll admit part of it could be that i still have my albastrossian project to complete but mostly i wonder if i have achieved anything more than a degree. i've changed, but that was more of a time thing than a college thing. have i plucked enough courage to do what i want? have i tried enough crazy things that will become impossible for me to try as i wade my unwilling way into prim corporate staidness? have i paraglided? bungee jumped? finally told that creep off? done something illegal? do i have secrets not even my best friends should know (actually, yes to that one)? i recently joined this site called 43things.com where you just type in 43 things you wanna do, from touring the world (redundant to say so since max ppl are on that list, but so do i!) to buying your mom a car. a classmate of mine who had the option of going abroad for his MS recently made the decision to simply cool off at home for the next one year and pick up all the skills he didn't have time to learn in college. a friend's friend decided to take a loan from his dad and pursue his dream of being a journalist. one of my dad's friends left the army at the age of 40 and is now a TV journalist with NDTV. it seems around me that dreams are being shaped, rainbows chased, lives lived.and yet all i can say is, someday, when the time is right. someday, when i don't end up hurting someone i love. i know i'm entitled. i know i can right now. unfortunately, i also know what's stopping me. i wish i could say i didn't care. that i would years from now be under red gunpowder filled skies, with shells tearing the side of my tent, with me sending off the draft for tomorrow's daily. i'm a strong believer that we haven't lived till we've seen how collously people die. that's when you know that the price of a human life is just equivalent to the victims's currency against the U.S. dollar. but for now, i'm sitting on a friend's desktop in a comfy lil hostel, with thoughts read by probably only two other homosapiens, with more time to spare than i know what to do with, with a wait for my struggle that is beginning to wear me out. its like waiting for a train that's the only way out, except you have no freaking idea of the departure time. or date. or year.To a person with serious problems, this is going to sound just outright arrogant. But I have had too cushy a life. Nothing I have wanted has ever been denied to me. I made all my own decisions, right from taking up engineering to colouring my hair. The wrong and the right. My dad wanted to give me the old car. I instinctively declined exclaiming, why would you want to spoil a 21 year old with a car for god's sake? Instinct tells you things you'd never admit to yourself.