privacy is a strange thing. i found out yesterday about two blogs - one of them i had regularly been reading without knowing it belonged to a friend, and the other i recognized the moment i landed on it. the thing was i struggled whether to admit to these ppl that i knew. they wanted annonymity, i knew that. but eventually i told them coz i realised that i was in fact violating their privacy more by not telling them - they would continue believing they were cocooned and perhaps write things they wouldn't like me to see. and it felt creepy to know i'd be reading all that stuff. more so because they're my good friends, and somewhere along the way i might consider them hypocrites if they blogged one thing and told me another. but that's my weakness, not to be able to take a contradiction in a person. anna surname-with-n-something in her song 2 am says 'these words feel like im singing my diary out loud and i know you'll use them however you want to.' sometimes despite knowing that, you confide everything in a person. i for one have done that so many times that sheer practice rather than will power has taught me to get over that regret. i'm deviating.
my point is this - how much privacy a person needs is often a decider of how much they understand different kinds of people. and how much they understand that if the two or multiple sides of them were to clash the ppl in both/multiple worlds would hate them collectively. its sad, but true. they often try to cover up so that one world won't think they're crazy to do something the other world thinks completely acceptable as part of the character.
i hate the fact that i have my exams so soon. i can only read max 4 chapters of shantaram a day. i'm currently on chapter 30. prabhaker died. now that is a character who has something most of us can't fathom the guts to even try to have - a completely unjudgemental love. he knows all sides to roberts and he still loves him. that doesnt happen often, not between husband and wife, not between the best of friends and is most often the cause of arguments between roommates who are forced to see the other from all angles.
but personally i grieved for abdullah more. yes maybe he's sapna whatever but he's the kind of person you can tell anything to. you know he may completely disagree but it won't affect anything between him and you. that's one thing about men women can never hope to attain - the ability to love a person without liking them, or even while disliking them. its almost paradoxical to a female.
sometime in the future i hope there's a book called abdullah taheri. the name itself would make it a hit. it has a very lyrical lilt.
just realised even my previous post was about annonymity. i may just be getting a tad obsessive. a friend of mine recently told me i have the unnervingly compulsive sixth sense of a detective and i love forming theories of accusation and deceit. she might just have a point. the irony is, you don't need anything to figure me out. just put me with an intelligent enough person in a train and assure me i won't meet them again. probably have
swapped even the stories of our last lives by dawn.
that's what i love about trains. you feel yourself going from one city to another. the transition sort of swirls right through you. you look outside and see a million empty fields, you see a million boys running to catch up with the train and waving and tumbling and smiling and falling over each other. and it washes over you. you know you're leaving a place behind and you get plenty of time to rest the worries of the place left behind and allow the anticipation of the new place to set in. even better if you're travelling alone. the transfer is completely watertight, no ppl to link them. plus the added promise of meeting new ppl. which, i realised, is what was getting me so depressed for the last month. believe it or not, sitting admitted in a cadets' ward for 4 days, i was rejuvenated more by the fresh company than anything else.
and i always wonder, where are the damn 1 billion people. i cross 1/4th of the country and i never see them. do they all live in the cities now?
i really deviate too much!
Labels: abdullah, multiple, privacy, shantaram, taheri, trains